Today I am going to share something about myself that would have me burned at the stakes or stoned to death if I was in another country or even another decade.
I am a witch and I am polyamorous.
The saying turning over a new leaf may be too simple for some of the things I am doing. Therefore I will say that I am turning over a new boulder.
Growing up I was taught many religions (mostly christian.) As a young child I was raised Catholic. Thinking I understood and belonged in that place of God/ Jesus/The Holy Spirit I prayed to this God, asked him for help with homework, and apologized for being bad all the time. I went to church functions. I prayed with my hand sin the air thinking that made it more powerful. I remember being in youth group and everyone’s prayers sounded so sincere and like they knew how to talk to this guy in the clouds and mine were always hollow forms or repetition.
Soon I was realizing I don’t feel anything when I pray. I started questioning why this guy in the sky was dictating all my shit. It never made sense to me that I had to be guilty of original sins I didn’t commit or be ashamed of sexuality, love, or even happiness. Why would this ‘all powerful and omnipotent creator’ be so angry and mad at us? Why would he let my parents get divorced? Why would this powerful man in the heavens let my cousin be murdered!?
I then realized I do not believe in such a man. At this point I was between the ages of 13 and 15, I had forsaken my previous religion, and felt if I had no religion I would be lost in nowhere land. This feeling of being lost in the world of religions at such a young age was confusing. Everyone I knew was catholic, christian, or something in-between. Then I met a neighbor who practiced Buddhism. This was wild and wonderful and very taboo to me and especially to people like my ultra conservative Nana (who happened to live across the street from me.)
Again I tried this new religion but I didn’t really feel it. Nothing came alive within me like it used to. Like I thought it should. Wasn’t I supposed to feel like a better person? Like my life and prayers mattered? Wasn’t I supposed to feel like those people in youth group years ago? Praying so hard I cried and was overcome with joy never happened to me. So I gave up. This was hard going to a Catholic high school since religion is forced down your throat there but I stayed agnostic and lived my way of unknowingness for the next 9ish years.
This brings us to about a year ago when I found myself thinking on my life and my beliefs. I found that I believe in the spirits, the mystic beings that can’t be seen, the sun and the moon, the sky and the stars. I do have a faith, a religion, a truth. I am a witch. I am a believer in the weird, the wonderful, and the powerful.
Now, when I say I’m a witch I don’t mean this kind of witch ↓
I mean I believe in magic. I believe in the occult. I believe in the earth and the mystical beings that roam it. I trust my gut over a religion’s rules. As of now I do not know if I consider myself a Wiccan or Pagan or Druid or anything at all. I just know in my heart I am a witch. As a child, I believed in the weird and wonderful; truly expecting to see Fairies and gnomes in my daily life. I believe in spirits and ghosts. I feel more energized by the moon and the solstices. I am a witch.
Recently started taking a 101 class on Wicca and am truly enjoying learning about this religion. I especially enjoy all the information that I am gaining from the ever intelligent @StoneSpiralCreations. I do not know if Wicca is the path I will be taking but having this knowledge is very helpful in the path I now know I am on.
I am still new to this world. I will forever be learning and changing. If in the future I find that witchcraft isn’t my calling I will accept that, I will move on and start again. For now though, I find I am truly at home in my own body and my own mind.
If you have had a similar religious/spiritual journey I’d love to hear about it and learn from your experiences as well. I will post Part 2 about my life in polyamory in the next couple weeks but if you have any questions feel free to ask away 🙂