This post is about me, as a fat girl. I am unapologetically fat. So here are some thoughts I have as a fat girl. I have also inserted some pictures of me being fat and loving my life. I have fun, I work, I have friends, I have a lover, and I am still fat. So this is my post about being happy in your own skin, dealing with challenges, talking about being fat, and being true to yourself. I hope this post is helpful to others or at least gives people a different perspective than their own. – Carrie
…We are too apologetic for our size. We subject ourselves to wearing jeans all year round, being too afraid to show off our legs. We wear hoodies in sweltering heat because we think somehow that will mask our bigger arms and round stomachs. I was once that woman who let my body be hidden by the oversized clothes so no one would notice my true size but in the end I was hurting myself more than anything else. I was hot, sweating, and miserable beyond belief. How much do you enjoy feeling like a Eskimo on 80 degree days? I know I hate it and now I let my legs show, my arms be seen, and my belly be exposed. I know not every fat person is comfortable enough for this but I promise you, you will feel better not sweating under 3 tops and jeans everyday of the year.
… I am always self-aware in public. I make sure I sit in certain chairs a certain way to avoid rolls being noticeable and thighs getting squished. I make sure I keep my chin up so my double chin isn’t on display al the time. I am constantly making sure I fit into societies idea of what I should look like when I’m 90% sure that it really doesn’t matter anyways. I try to squeeze myself out-of-the-way of people and keep my distance so my big body won’t get in their way when I’m walking on the sidewalk. I apologize for taking up space on a bus or in a room because I have been taught all my life that I am too much. I am tired of being apologetic. I am tired of being in the corner. I have made a pledge to do that I like, sit where I like, be WHO I LIKE! I am going to be me unapologetically and the world can suck it.
…I am always wondering if my weight affects the way others love me. It’s irrational I know, but I often wonder when I gain weight if my boyfriend sees me differently or my best friend thinks “I think she has put on some weight.” When I see someone I love looking different than usual I notice it in my head but never in a negative aspect. (i.e. a haircut,new clothes, etc.) However, as a fat women I often think “This person has known me for years, do they see me looking better/worse or do they just see me and not my weight.” Most of the time I try to be positive about my body and my size. As I have said before and will say again I love me. However on bad days I have body issues, I doubt my shine, I hate my belly, I hate me. On those days it makes me wonder if other ever feel the same about me.
…Years ago I told my best friend that I can not shop at many stores because their sizes are so irregular so I needed to stop in a store for fat girls. She immediately stopped me and said “Carrie, you aren’t fat.” And I responded right back “Yes I am.” She once again said I wasn’t fat and I just laughed her off. I should have corrected her then. I am FAT. Since the word fat is such a demeaning word to society it often makes people who accept themselves as fat and call themselves fat, looked upon as outcasts. We use fat because we are just that, fat. We are the opposite of thin therefore the word would be fat. So when I say I’m fat, I am in no ways saying I’m ugly, gross, awful, or repugnant. I am fat. I love me as fat. I am fat and beautiful. I am fat and fun. I am fat and happy. I wish fat could be accepted rather than stay a negative word. But when people still try to insult fat people by calling them fat in a negative way it makes it hard for the word to be accepted by all.
…I still don’t want you a random man to ask me “Hey, what’s up?” in an unwarranted sexual way. You are not doing me a favor because I am fat. You are not being the nice guy by talking to me. I do not need you to tell me I look good because I already know. Just because I’m fat does not mean that I’m not worth being treated respectfully. And when those fuckboys get made that I am ignoring them and they say “Fat ass”, “Fat Bitch”, or whatever thing they have to respond with I don’t care. When you call a fat person fat it is stating the obvious. WE KNOW WE ARE FAT! You are just dumb.
…I hate when people try to down play my size. I am fat. I kinda have always been fat. Once when I started a new job the manager was trying to hand me a work shirt in size small. This small wasn’t even a normal small, it was more like a child’s size medium compared to me. I laughed and said “that’s not going to fit.” So he proceeded to hand me a medium which was more like an adult small. I begrudgingly took it at the time since I was too embarrassed to correct him. Later on I realized if I do not correctly give people the right sizes or let them know I’m fat they will literally pretend I’m not in that moment. I still do not understand how people can at one point ignore my fat then a day later hate it or look down on it.