Moving in with a significant other is a major step in a relationship, it brings you closer to someone you love more than anything else. However, in the process of moving in you forget about things that you may lose in the move. I’m not talking about physical objects but about parts of yourself that may disappear or turn into something new due to the transition. Along with losing things you may also gain new experiences, feelings, and even objects in the transition. So here are 5 things to think about before you move in with someone you love:
- You Will Never Be Alone Again. This will be both a positive negative thing you will experience. Things like getting take out and groceries and splitting the bill are fantastic. You have someone to snuggle with when you are cold in the winter, and most importantly you have someone to talk to about the season 3 finale of Pirates (which they don’t watch but I don’t care!!!) Some negative things include: Sharing a bathroom after pooping, never again being able to marathon a show on your own because they wanted to watch together (I’m sorry but if you are extremely slow at watching I will PASS YOUR ASS!), ordering take out just for you (because they WILL be sad that you didn’t ask them before you ordered a self-care meal), not being able to leave a giant mess in a shared space for days like you used to, or not being able to have a major crying session without someone feeling like they have to help of they did something wrong (sometimes I just need to cry for a while, IT ISN’T ABOUT YOU!!)
- Making Meals. When living on your own you eat when you feel like, what you feel like, and have no issues with it. However, when my S.O. moved in my eating pattern shifted A LOT! I grew up in a family that made food together and got involved in cooking together. When I moved to Madison I only cooked for me and sometimes the S.O. when he came over during my dinner time. Well now that he lives here permanently I feel the same familial obligation of making sure that he is fed and I am making meals. I find that the hardest part of this is that I don’t even make the same meals that I used to make for just me. I used to be content making a rice, bean, ground beef, pepper bowl for dinner and eating that for 2 days straight. Now when I do make food for both of us the meal that held me over for 2 days barely feeds 2 people.
- Taking Time To Be Romantic. When the idea of moving in with your significant other first pops into your head you immediately think of being all cuddly and cute with them all the time. The idea that you will be able to kiss and hug and touch your partner whenever you want because they live with you sounds extremely appealing. The reality is that romance and touchy feely times get lost when you live with someone. Because you see this person everyday all day sometimes you can’t always be in a romantic and sensual state and after time passes finding time for romance sometimes falls to the wayside. My advice is to make time for love and loving. Don’t let your feelings of mushy, lovey-dovey, sexy time be trumped by chores, errands, or laziness. You need to make time for kissing and all the sex! Go on walks, to chores together, hold hands!!! Be romantic and sweet as often as you want to be and let your partner know if you want them to do the same, sometimes they just need to hear you say exactly what they are thinking.
- Chores & Responsibilities. As you all should know by now I have had terrible luck with roommates and them participating in the act of cleaning the apartment or cleaning up after themselves. I was lucky enough to have a S.O. who is just as much of a clean freak as I am so when he moved in I did not have to worry about having to clean up after a 5th roommate. Somethings that I did notice was that chores really didn’t get divided as equal as both of us would like. Our method of fixing this is to do chores on our own everyday and every 2 weeks we deep clean the apartment together getting everything we want done in less than half the time it normally would take one of us. Other than cleaning responsibilities such as checking the mail, making the bed, and buying household items varies on the day and the need. I mostly check the mail, he mostly makes the bed and we split the item buying as often as we can.
- Money and Who Buys What. This has been the biggest challenge so far in living with my S.O. At first I would get frustrated that only one of us is purchasing groceries and the other is eating all the groceries…not going to say who did what exactly… So we came up with this system: first we switch the person who buys things every other time we go to the store, second we always get a receipt and write whomever bought the groceries initials on the receipt, third at the end of the month we go through all the receipts and add up all of our own receipts, forth we make the totals equal by reimbursing whomever paid more. Example: I if I paid 150 for groceries and the S.O paid 75 he would pay me 75 to make our totals equal. Now this is our first run at implementing a system for splitting bills but I hope this works out for us. If anyone has any helpful hints or suggestions for money management as a couple please let me know 🙂
I hope my quick list of what to think about when moving in with a significant other helps someone considering this big step in their life.