Ever since middle school I have felt that having frilly emotions and being emotionally attached to people was a terrible life choice and a waste of time. My reasons behind these feelings has always been that emotions are constantly changing and people are 1. unreliable 2. hurtful and 3. will always leave in the end. Due to all of these factors I have tried to live my life keeping my emotions and feelings inside. I try to not get attached to people or care too deeply to those I know won’t stick around. This can be a downfall since I usually feel that no one will stick around and therefore I trust no one. Along with these things I don’t know how to fully express when I am angry, upset, or hurt, since emotions are not my specialty I let things build up until I burst!
I do not write all of this to be looked on sadly or to talk about how I have weird robot emotions. I write this to say that I am feeling super super weird because feelings are here! I keep telling myself to not get to excited, emotional, or attached, but here I am. After being with my Significant Other for 3 years and having a rocky past we have become closer than I ever imagined. We understand each other’s feelings and emotions it feels kind of like home. The past 3 years have not been easy. We have been apart more than we have been together but things have never been better than this last year. Usually I would keep these kinds of things to myself… However, I can not contain myself this time! We are talking about living together and it makes me feel like I’m 5 years old agin and think I’m going to marry both Allen Jackson and Michael Jordan (…it was a confusing time for me…don’t judge me too harshly…please!)
Anyways, this is a huge step in my life. I feel like I am becoming a real adult! All of the sudden I have a full time job, actual friends, I can make a quiche, and now I may live with my significant other… Who am I?!? I have to admit am a little bit afraid. What if living with him changes our relationship? What if he doesn’t like how I vacuum the carpet or the way I fold the blankets? What if his dish washing is half ass or he leaves the toilet seat up on every Thursday?? these are things I would only find out once we live together!
In March his lease is up at his place and he is going to move in with me for a couple of months until our lease starts so that will help show me anything that I may have missed about his cleaning habits and our ability to co-habitate. But I know he is going to have a hard time living with my current roommates. They do not live up to his clean standards so we shall see how those couple of months pan out.
As of now I have 3 apartments showings in the next 2 weeks and have a couple more options like resigning his lease and staying there. They only issues with that tend to be that his apartment is on the far opposite side of town and there is nothing fun around it. This is compared to places around my apartment that are near fun downtown type things and have places to eat around it. We shall see what pans out this week and how everything will go but I am feeling confident that everything will go swimmingly. I will try to keep you all updated on what pans out in the next couple weeks!