Last week I began a whole new part of my life. I became a full-time employee at A Woman’s Touch here in Madison. My official title there is a Pleasure Specialist but for some people I just say I’m a retail clerk at a women’s boutique.  The reason why I may have to go by different titles is because my job may be considered taboo by some.  I work at a sexuality resource center that promotes sexual wellness, sexuality, and sensuality. Since pleasure in our society is considered bad my new place of employment is going to be looked down upon by some people.  The weird part of all of this is finding the line of what I can talk about with some people and what I can’t with others.

So far my friends and family have been super excited for me in they new endeavor however, my lovely 80-year-old Nana would be utterly mortified that I work where I do (hence the retail clerk title.)  This makes me curious as to who else will be mortified by my position? Who else will look down on me for my job?  I have loved sharing the knowledge I have been gaining and so far everyone i have talked to about it is interested as well.  But should I tread more lightly?  Should I keep my job hush-hush?  Personally I have actually felt more enlightened and open since last Monday.  I have felt as though my barriers to the outside world are slowly coming down and I can be more free and open with who I am and what I bring to the proverbial table. So maybe I will stick with being me and letting others deal with their concern or disappointment with my life choices.

Since my education had been vague and considered ‘the basics’ in sexual education, my first day of work was an amazing exciting day filled with new knowledge and information.  By day 3 my brain had been filled with so much information on things like how orgasms work, the anatomy of the male and female bodies (which are basically the same thing and I never knew it), libido, the pelvic floor, Kegels, lubricants, Vaginal Renewal, condoms and barriers for safer sex, the non-existent G-spot, and so much more I felt like my brain was oozing from my ears. However, by day 4 I understood concepts I learner previously and started my first day on the sales floor.  I began working cash register and ringing up customers and by Saturday I felt like I belonged where I worked.

Sitting in a classroom setting, learning concepts and anatomy, and working the sales floor was two different things.  My first day just hanging out in the shop made me feel as though the owners made a poor choice by hiring me due to my feelings of inadequacy. Myrtle, one of my wise and amazing bosses, told me something on my second day that made me feel so confident in myself and in my new place of employment that I stopped feeling so concerned in my lack of knowledge but rather I embraced my ability to learn and become amazing.  She told me that they had many other more experienced candidates that they could have hired, but they hired me because they saw what I would become and all the potential I had.  They knew that I was more than capable of working there and believed in me even before I did.  I have never had someone say something that wonderful to me about my abilities or my value as a person.  I cannot wait to become as knowledgeable as the lovely women I will be working with.  I also look forward to forming friendships and connections with them as well.

This confidence boost does not mean that my nervousness about this new step in my life has gone away.  I still need to continue learning and growing into my position.  I still need to learn as much as I can from everyone who works there and I have to remember that asking questions as well as asking for help is important and should not be looked down upon.  Sometimes with all the things I have learned this past week I feel as though information isn’t soaking into my brain anymore but rather the information is just floating around my brain like oil droplets in a bowl of water.  However, I know this feeling will change since I already feel confident about my knowledge about lubricants as well as being able to direct people around the store and helping with basic questions.

I love my job, I love being able to be in a setting that is welcoming to all, and most of all I love feeling more confident in myself.I feel more put together and even more adult like.  I hope that this confidence and love continues on this week and the many weeks to come.