I have always been an introverted person. I only have a handful of friends and would rather spend my time hanging out with 2 people and a dog for 24 straight hours than 2 minutes with 24 people I know. I am awkward in large groups. I’m awkward in small groups. In all honesty, I am awkward all the time. Once when I was working as a camp counselor I attempted to get to know the children at the camp by using my expansive knowledge of SpongeBob episodes and quotes. This led to the children staring blankly at me and avoiding me for the rest of the time I was with them. Granted, I was only with these children who do not understand the greatness of SpongeBob for 2 days, so that was a shorter terrible experience than I am used to.
Long story short, I am trying to say that even though I am as awkward as ever I would not be where I am today without the handful of people who are in my life. These people understand my weirdness. They appreciate (or I like to imagine that they do) my endless references to TV shows and movies, my addiction to Sour Patch Kids, the strange and downright horrifying faces I make, and even the few times I can verbally and legitimately express my love for them.
Sidenote: My best friend sometimes likes to refer to me as Buff bot (yes, the robot version of Buffy the Vampire Slayer! Who else would Buff bot be??) She says this because on many many occasions I have lacked emotions or gave up on having emotions in romantic situations. And while I can 100% understand her reasons for this I sometimes downright refuse to put
too many any of my emotions into a situation or friendship that I know will go nowhere. This and many other things lead to my lack of social skills and friends.
So, I have come to the realization that I suck at making friends and am okay with that. I am work friends with people, meaning that we are friendly and engage in conversation at work, but that is all. That doesn’t even matter though, because I really love the people I am friends with. I love having a close group of people who really know me, rather than a bunch of friends who just hang out with me when they want to go out or when they are bored. Someone who knows my obsession with makeup products, mashed potatoes, and my issue with giving christmas, birthday, or all other gift to the person immediately after I buy them rather than waiting till the day of is much better than 20 acquaintancey type friends.
Anyways…after graduating this past May I have a had a lot of free time. This free time has led to some really lonely days that had me thinking that I should try to make more friends or join some sort of group, organization, or maybe a cult. I mean once you’re in a cult everyone is your friend, right? That’s kinda part of the package. And oh man, doesn’t that sound appealing?? Anyways, so when I thought about making friends I kind of thought it would be an easy process, I mean my roommate and I became friends almost instantaneously when they moved in (but again this could be a forced friendship cult type situation…) I tried getting old acquaintances to hang out, then I tried getting people at work to hang out with me, and I even tried to get some new people I met to engage in conversation. In the end, I did not make any new friends.
I just really wish someone had told me it was okay not to have friends. In school, we are taught to get along and be ‘friends’ with all our classmates. Preschool through College we are expected to make lifelong relationships with people and continue to acquire more and more people into our lives. I find this to be bullshit. Why would I stay friends or attempt to make friends with someone who has literally nothing in common with me? Do most people just do this? Do you all make friends just to have more people in your life? Are you in cults that do this for you? Can you recommend a cult to me??
I attribute my lack of wanting too many people in my life to my introverted tendencies but in all honestly I just don’t like most people, and that should be okay. We don’t need to like everyone we meet. We need to be civil and kind to them, but there is no need to like everyone.
Since I have become more accepting of my body and who I am I have found that spending time with myself is getting easier. I am able to be an individual all on my own. I am able to sleep in on my days off and marathon Netflix seasons. I make new recipes and start new projects.
I know I am great on my own but it makes it easier knowing I have some incredible people in my life too.